And the negative things, the things that plague us and ail us are absolutely important to address. It is imperative that these things are not to be neglected- for when they’re neglected, they’re allowed to fester into an explosive volcanic mess. Molten rock spewing, the Earth rumbling, threatening a complete catastrophe.
But, in my quest of self-analysis and discovery, for far too long, I’ve completely neglected something of utmost importance. Joy. For, I have an entire folder of sad writings, alongside only a handful of joyful writings. I’ve grown into a truly chronic pessimist. Sad by design in the narrative I’ve written up until this moment. But, perhaps, the narrative I’ve written is the direction I chose to write. Perhaps, I am, indeed ‘normal.’ Perhaps, I am indeed capable of sharing joy on a competent level.
Winter is ending, and I enjoyed the sunshine today. Seldom found is something more beautiful than feeling a great awakening within your soul in the midst of Vitamin D rays penetrating your once forlorn body.
And, on an off-kilter sidenote, a rabbit trail if you would – why is it that the one thing that is slowly destroying our flesh – is also the thing that permits us life on Earth. The thing that allows a sustainable Earth, breathing life into agriculture- and literally shooting us up with Vitamin D. There’s a cool analogy about balance in all of life somewhere in that, but I digress.
One of my all time, bar none, hands down favorite songs is ‘Someday,’ by The Strokes. From the time I heard it’s joyful riffs as a child, I’ve been, dare I say, infatuated with the song. That infatuation with the song grew into a complete adoration of the band. I’ve been obsessed with the idea of a ‘Someday. The lyrics go like this, “In many ways, still miss the good old days. Someday. Someday. Yeah, it hurts to say but I want you to stay. Sometimes. Sometimes. When we was young, oh man did we have fun. Always. Always. Promises they break before they’re made. Sometimes,Sometimes.”
While these lyrics certainly aren’t the most profound, especially when juxtaposed with a lot of the other music I listen to, they’ve always allowed my heart space to yearn for a day, someday, when I’d be at peace with myself. For, even in my transparency, I fear I haven’t completely conveyed the dire condition of my soul. I’ve been in a constant state of craving affirmation from others, as I’ve wallowed in insecurity. In such crisis, the dogma of ‘Someday,’ is indeed appealing.
But, what if….Someday….. was today?
That radical thought, for the first time, perhaps, since being bullied in 6th grade, has begun to permeate my heart.
What if, in my constant pursuit of greener pastures, I’ve seemingly offered nothing more then the birdie finger to all the blessings the Lord has provided me? Nothing more than an arrogant disregard for the love, care, and affection that’s been tenderly given to me.
In humility, I realize, perhaps, I am okay. And perhaps it’s time to begin migrating from the, ‘Someday,’ mentality. For I’ve missed the good ol’ days for long enough. These are new days, a new era. I’m no longer an infant. I’ve entered a new playing field, and while yesterday sufficiently provided me sustenance to be alive in this moment – how will I continue feeding myself, my physical, spiritual, and emotional self, if I’m stuck on the tactics of yesterday.
For truly, I’ve come to find, perhaps I’ve allowed myself to be stuck in infancy.
One thing I’d like to begin doing is, for this period of my life, looking towards those things the Lord has afforded me that bring me joy. Revamping and redirecting my focus over the course of the past week has already begun to rewire many years worth of faulty electrical.
So, now, this piece, this writing, will take a colossal shift. Let’s move in a new direction.
After that lengthy preface, I’d like to now discuss, very simply, things that have brought me joy. Things that remind me, my life has far surpassed the bounds of inadequate. The things that remind me that it is an absolute wonder that I’m present, typing this very writing.
A dear friend of mine, someone I hold in very high regard, often sends me words of encouragement. And, while their words of encouragement are ever so welcomed – the most endearing part of their words has always remained the sweet sentiment at the end. ‘You are loved.’
You are loved.
You are loved.
Such a simple sentiment, and yet, tonight, I’m filled with a sense of adoration and appreciation toward that sentiment. How wonderful it is to be loved. I mean, I’m good with words, but I am having one hell of a time trying to condense the absolute, manic feeling of recognizing I’m loved. And not just by them, but boy, do I appreciate them. What a blessing.
And in this transitional phase of my life, I’ve been nothing short of pesky towards those of whom I hold near and dear, as I’ve pleaded my despair on a daily basis. So to those of you I hold in such high regard that I feel comfortable consulting with you, thank you. You know who you are, and I’d like to share my own words of encouragement. You’ve been nothing short of wonderful representations of Christ’s love for us, as He’s used you to speak His wisdom into me – using you as ae medium. Your character is brimming with goodness and life, and I’m absolutely overjoyed I get to enjoy even a small portion of that astute and absolute goodness. Someday, I long to repay the favor, and be to you what you’ve been to me. Thanks for helping me fight the good fight. All of your wonderous patience only solidifies my faith. Thank you. You are loved.
And to my dear, sweet wife. I type this as you rest on the couch to the left of me, recovering from a tiring night of work. Thank you for all you do, and for who you are. It’s so easy to find oneself in a pattern of adjusting their significant other to conform to their image. And as I’ve been wrestling with my demons, you’ve offered me grace, love, and an enduring fondness for me. I’m a sincere turd, and I don’t know how you wake up on a daily basis and continue to put up with my shenanigans. You’re kind beyond even your own understanding, and humorous in ways my soul should appreciate more. Your beauty is incomprensible, for we’re told princesses only reside within the confines of fairy tales. Your beauty has taught me otherwise. I love you indubitously.
And the sunshine. How great it has been to feel the sun’s warmth. As the winter fades and light grows more prevalent, a three month yearning is growing content. How lovely and wonderful it is to just simply be. To feel the heat upon my face – an inescapable reminder that I’m alive, in the flesh, and I’m okay. The Sun is a constant reminder-someday is tomorrow. And as the days cycle, the Lord affords the opportunity of Someday….Today!
From the rising of the sun to its setting-The name of the Lord is to be praised
And of a good God. When I’ve been lackadaisical in my recognition of His ever growing- blessings, He very simply sent the sun and the Son. So, on that cheesy note—-Someday is indeed a matter of yesterday, and I will sing of my joys today!